Glimpses

The year-and-a-half-ish since my younger daughter was born have been a difficult time in my marriage.  I think that we've both been overwhelmed at trying to balance our various responsibilities - to each other, to ourselves, to our daughters, to our employers, blah blah blah.  From the Thick Of It, we thought we were doing fine.  Only we weren't.  And the biggest victim was our marriage.

About a year ago, I started seeing cracks.  About six months ago, those cracks were canyons.  By mid-summer, we were in counseling.  By Labor Day, we were seperated.  My husband came home in October;  he came home because he knew that our daughters needed him, and he knew that We didn't stand a chance if we weren't living together.  He was very careful to tell me that he wasn't back because he had fallen back in love with me, but that he was there to make his best effort.  It was our last ditch hail mary pass to try to avoid divorce.

Did I just see what I thought I saw?

In the last two weeks, I've started catching glimpses of my Husband - the one that was happy to be home, the one that was happy to see me, and the sightings started getting more frequent. 

Yesterday, he put his wedding ring back on.

I think we might just make it, after all.

Why yes, there you are.

Got Ees Good, Part (I've Lost Count)

My younger daughter had her cardiologist follow-up yesterday.

When she was a month old, her pediatrician heard what he thought was a heart murmur, and sent us (her) for an EKG and a chest x-ray.  Then, he sent us (her, again) pediatric cardiologist in a sort-of nearby big city.   There, she had another EKG and an Echocardiogram, and the cardiologist discovered that her left pulmonary artery was kinked.  He said, at the time, that he expected for it to work itself out and that his main concern was that she would build up scar tissue around the kink and need surgery, and that he wanted to check her out in about a year.

Yesterday, we (she) repeated the EKG and Echocardiogram. 

They were all clear.  Perfect.  The good doctor said that there is no evidence of kinks, restricted blood flow, or scar tissue.  And - here's the best part - he released my perfect daughter from his care and said he hopes to never see us again unless it's in the grocery store aisle.

Also, as a happy side note, my tiny girl has gained a pound and a half in the last slightly-more-than-two months.


Also in Happy News, my friend Mali had a beautiful baby girl yesterday.  Please continue to remember Mali and Piper in your prayers.

Prayers

Please keep my friend, Mali, and her baby girl in your prayers.  Her blog is linked over there on the sidebar and she updates daily.

Promises

The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage - from the Book of Common Prayer (1979)

At the time appointed, the persons to be married, with their witnesses, assemble in the church or some other appropriate place.


During their entrance, a hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played.


Then the Celebrant, facing the people and the persons to be married, with the woman to the right and the man to the left, addresses the congregation and says


Dearly beloved: We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.


The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.


Page 424


Into this holy union N. N. and N. N. now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace.


Then the Celebrant says to the persons to be married


I require and charge you both, here in the presence of God, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be united in marriage lawfully, and in accordance with God's Word, you do now confess it.


The Declaration of Consent


The Celebrant says to the woman


N., will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?


The Woman answers

I will.

The Celebrant says to the man


N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?


The Man answers


I will.


Page 425


The Celebrant then addresses the congregation, saying


Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?

People We will.


If there is to be a presentation or a giving in marriage, it takes place at this time. See page 437.


A hymn, psalm, or anthem may follow.

The Ministry of the Word

The Celebrant then says to the people The Lord be with you.

People And also with you.

Let us pray.
O gracious and everliving God, you have created us male and female in your image: Look mercifully upon this man and this woman who come to you seeking your blessing, and assist them with your grace, that with true fidelity and steadfast love they may honor and keep the promises and vows they make; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Page 436

Then one or more of the following passages from Holy Scripture is read. If there is to be a Communion, a passage from the Gospel always concludes the Readings.

Genesis 1:26-28 (Male and female he created them)
Genesis 2:4-9, 15-24 (A man cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh)
Song of Solomon 2:10-13; 8:6-7 (Many waters cannot quench love)
Tobit 8:5b-8 ( New English Bible ) (That she and I may grow old together)
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 (Love is patient and kind)
Ephesians 3:14-19 (The Father from whom ever family is named)
Ephesians 5:1-2, 21-33 (Walk in love, as Christ loved us)
Colossians 3:12-17 (Love which binds everything together in harmony)
1 John 4:7-16 (Let us love one another for love is of God)

Between the Readings, a Psalm, hymn, or anthem may be sing or said. Appropriate Psalms are 67, 127, and 128.

When a passage from the Gospel is to be read, all stand, and the Deacon or Minister appointed says The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to ______.

People Glory to you, Lord Christ.

Matthew 5:1-10 (The Beatitudes)
Matthew 5:13-16 (You are the light...Let your light so shine)
Matthew 7:21,24-29 (Like a wise man who built his house upon the rock)
Mark 10:6-9,13-16 (They are no longer two but one)
John 15:9-12 (Love one another as I have loved you)

After the Gospel, the Reader says The Gospel of the Lord.

People Praise to you, Lord Christ.

A homily or other response to the Readings may follow.

Page 427

The Marriage

The Man, facing the woman and taking her right hand in his, says

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Then they loose their hands, and the Woman, still facing the man, takes his right hand in hers, and says

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

They loose their hands.

The Priest may ask God's blessing on a ring or rings as follows

Bless, O Lord, this ring to be a sign of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

The giver places the ring on the ring-finger of the other's hand and says

N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit ( or in the Name of God).

Page 428

Then the Celebrant joins the right hands of husband and wife and says

Now that N. and N. have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.

People Amen.

The Prayers

All standing, the Celebrant says

Let us pray together in the words our Savior taught us.

People and Celebrant Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.

If Communion is to follow, the Lord's Prayer may be omitted here.

Page 429

The Deacon or other person appointed reads the following prayers, to which the People respond, saying, Amen.

If there is not to be a Communion, one or more of the prayers may be omitted.

Let us pray.
Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and for which your Son gave his life, and especially upon this man and this woman whom you make one flesh in Holy Matrimony. Amen.
Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Amen.
Grant that their wills may be so knit together in your will, and their spirits in your Spirit, that they may grow in love and peace with you and one another all the days of their life. Amen.
Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other's forgiveness and yours. Amen.
Make their life together a sign of Christ's love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair. Amen.
[[Bestow on them, if it is your will, the gift and heritage of children, and the grace to bring them up to know you, to love you, and to serve you. Amen. ]]
Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others. Amen.

Page 430

Grant that all married persons who have witnessed these vows may find their lives strengthened and their loyalties confirmed. Amen.
Grant that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united one to another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done on earth as it is in heaven; where, O Father, with your Son, and the Holy Spirit, you live and reign in perfect unity, now and for ever. Amen.

The Blessing of the Marriage


The people remain standing. The husband and wife kneel, and the Priest says one of the following prayers


Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the cross to be the way of life. We thank you, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. By the power of your Holy Spirit, your out the abundance of your blessing upon this man and this woman. Defend them from every enemy. Lead them into all peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; in their life and in their death. Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that table where your saints feast for ever in your heavenly home; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Page 431

or this  
O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in it is represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his Church: Send therefore your blessing upon these your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The husband and wife still kneeling, the Priest adds this blessing

God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace; that you may faithfully live together in this life, and in the age to come have life everlasting. Amen.

The Peace

The Celebrant may say to the people The peace of the Lord be always with you.


People And also with you.


The newly married couple then greet each other, after which greetings may be exchanged throughout the congregation.


When Communion is not to follow, the wedding party leaves the church. A hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played.


Page 432

At the Eucharist


The liturgy then continues with the Offertory, at which the newly married couple may present the offerings of bread and wine.

Preface of Marriage

At the Communion, it is appropriate that the newly married couple receive Communion first, after the ministers.

In place of the usual postcommunion prayer, the following is said

O God, the giver of all that is true and lovely and gracious: We give you thanks for binding us together in these holy mysteries of the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ. Grant that by your Holy Spirit, N. and N., now joined in Holy Matrimony, may become one in heart and soul, live in fidelity and peace, and obtain those eternal joys prepared for all who love you; for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.


As the wedding party leaves the church, a hymn, psalm, or anthem may be sung, or instrumental music may be played.


Page 433

My husband and I were married in the Episcopal church that I grew up in, using this ceremony. Here's the thing. Lots of people go to weddings. It's a fun party, right? I know that we printed out the ceremony, including the verses that we chose, and the appropiate responses from the witnesses. I'm pretty sure that most of our guests read along and responded as written.

Did you see this part?

The Celebrant then addresses the congregation, saying
Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?
People We will.

We all pretty much know the vows that the new husband and new wife make. Some people even change them around (or write entirely new ones) to skirt around things that are "too hard" or "not liberated enough". But what about the one that the guests make to do all in [their] power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?

Do people really do that? In my experience, the vast majority of people think that "being a good friend" means encouraging their "friend" to do whatever will make them happy. Right now. Even if it's selfish and not in the best interest of the friend's family and loved ones or upholding their marriage.

There's a 50% divorce rate. It's okay, it's normal. People change. On to the next one, on to the next chance at "happiness". Things get tough? It's okay, that's no way to live. Move on out, see your kids when you can, write a check to their mom each month, and you'll be considered a "good enough dad". OR, kick that loser out. He doesn't have any right to hold you accountable to anything, He's not your parent, he can't tell you what to do! Take the kids, you're the mother, they'll be just fine seeing him every other weekend... Don't go compromising or putting anyone else first (especially your spouse!). You sure don't want to be seen as a doormat. Stand up for yourself! If you don't look out for yourself, who will?

A person who is determined to work on her marriage shouldn't be seen as especially admirable or particularly strong. She should be normal. She should be supported by her friends and bolstered up when things go from rough to really difficult. She should be encouraged when things seem nearly hopeless. But she shouldn't be wierd. Her friends should not be handing her business cards for their own divorce lawyers or offering advice that worked for them in their own divorces. They should not be encouraging her to gather evidence or get down to the courthouse asap to get custody, alimony, and child support orders in - to make sure that she'll be "okay". A person who has left his marriage should not be encouraged or celebrated. He should be counseled and lovingly reminded of his vows. He should be supported by his friends to make every attempt to work things out with his wife, not pushed into the arms of whatever lonely woman is available. A man that goes back to his wife should not be seen as weak, spineless, or "whipped". A marriage that has been rescued is something to celebrate, and, way too often, it's just not.














Sigh. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

I'm That Mom

I know that every mom anywhere thinks that her Snowflake is the Smartest Ever, or, at least, the Most Clever Ever Kid to Walk The Earth.

My husband's aunt is on the Board of Directors at the local Lutheran School.  She called this morning because it came to her attention over the weekend that they have 5 kids enrolled in the Pre-K program.  One of those kids is 3 years old.  She wanted to know if I was interested in seeing if we could get my older daughter in on that action.

My older daughter will turn 3 in 13 days.

In the state of Oklahoma, children must be 5 years old on September 1 to enter Kindergarten.  My kid will be almost 6 when she's legally allowed to start her (outside the home) school career in this state.  My kid takes after her parents and is smarter than the average bear (in my very humble opinion).  I remember being bored in school.  My husband remembers being bored in school.  My husband and I were also among the younger students in our class.  We have talked about the situation and decided to put her in some sort of preschool, then do either Lutheran Private or public school Kindy and re-evaluate as we go through the early grades.  I don't know that I'm cut out to homeschool, and my hope is that the very small classes at the Lutheran school would give her the flexibility to read up (or science up, or math up, or whatever) with higher grades if she's not being challenged in her "appropiate" grade.

We do have the option to "try it out", and to try it out on a M-W-F schedule.  (The Pre-K program is officially M-F, 8:15-3, and does include nap/rest time.)

So... am I crazy for considering this?  Is it nuts to put my 3 year old in a class designed for kids up to two years older than she is?  Am I setting her up to fail?  Am I That Mom?  What am I not thinking of here?

A Very Small Worry

Long story short, my younger daughter was very happily hanging out in the upper half of the growth charts through her four month well baby check.  At her six month check, she'd started sliding (41% - height, 32% - weight).  No worries, her sister did the same thing.  But by her nine month check, she'd slid to -1% height and 11% - weight.  Still okay.  At her twelve month check, she was at 3% - height and 7% - weight.  Our pediatrician asked for a 15 month well baby visit to check her growth.

In the last nine months, my fifteen-month-old has grown 3 inches and gained 3 lbs., 4 ozs, which puts her in the 8% - height and -1% - weight.  She's been wearing the same clothes for well over half her life.

We've done bloodwork.  We've done more bloodwork.  We have still more bloodwork scheduled for next week.

So far, they've found a high number of atypical lymphocites, which points to the probability of a long term viral something, and slightly elevated tsh, which could mean a thyroid something.  We're re-running the CBC to check the lymphocytes and doing a thyroid panel next week.
Other than that, her chemistries are normal.  Her platelets are fine.  Her iron is fine.  They did a respiratory study, which came back fine.  The front-runners in the viral arena are CMV and Epstein-Barr Virus - she tested negative for both of them.

The Pediatrician doesn't think it's related to her heart at all.  He listed off 5 or 6 things that we would have seen that we haven't, so....

I'm loading her up with Pediasure, avacados, and butter/whipped cream/olive oil every chance I get.  What say you, blog readers?

When those Smith Girls decide to start getting on with it...

... They get on with it. 
4 weddings in 5 years (2003-2008) brought us from being "The Smith Girls" to the "Smith-Laumooretskers".

Starting with the First Addition (July, 2007) and including the Latest Addition, born at 1:41 this afternoon, there are now 6 Laumooretsker Offspring.

My oldest niece was 14 months old when my older daughter was born.  My older daughter was 14 months old when my oldest nephew was born.  My oldest nephew was 5 months old when my younger daughter was born.  My younger daughter was 13 1/2 months old when my youngest nephew was born.  My youngest nephew is 7 weeks old today, and my youngest niece is hours old.

We've got a Plan.  It includes taking over the world.

I totally should have known that a Google Image Search for "lots of kids" would bring up mostly images of one particular very large, debt-free family from Arkansas and a certain kinda-creepy guy with multiple wives that got ran encouraged to move out of Utah...

What Do You Say?

My friend, James, was diagnosed a few years ago, as a young man, with a rare type of "old people" cancer.  He had a wife and three small children that he loved very much.  In one of our talks, he said that he was able to keep on keeping on because he had Faith.  He knew that God was taking care of him, that God has a Plan, and that His plan was better than James's.

James said that he was so grateful that he had Faith, because he didn't know how someone who didn't Believe could manage to keep from curling up in a ball and just giving up.

This thought was echoed by my friend, Stacie, when her infant son was diagnosed with a very rare, nearly always fatal kind of cancer.  Faith was what kept her going, gave her the strength to fight, and comforted her when Cash lost his earthly battle, but won the Heavenly one.

Last week, my husband's coworker, who was also the Branch Manager's 23-year-old son, died in a horrific accident on the job.  The responding Highway Patrol officers identified the vehicle by running the tags on the trailer that he was pulling and came back to my husband's workplace to ask the person in charge who would have been in possession of the truck and trailer, and hopefully, get next of kin information.  Obviously, if they had known that they were speaking to Jacob's next of kin, their delivery would have been a bit different. 

My husband had to step into his mentor's shoes to handle filing insurance claims, workman's comp paperwork, notifying the appropiate brass at Corporate, pulling in crews from all over the region to keep their small store running, and also comforting the man that has come closest to filling the father role that my "father"-in-law voluntarily left vacant.  Thing is, Rick, (my husband's boss) isn't a Believer. 

What does one say to a non-believer that is in the middle of a horrific, tragic storm?  All of the comforting things that my Wonderful Husband could come up with were things that his friend doesn't believe.  They brought no comfort.  They brought no understanding.  They brought no peace.  All that was left was "We're here for you.  We love you.  We know that your heart is breaking, and we think that it sucks, too."

Jacob's parents are a mess.  They're going through the motions, and both of them have dead eyes.  Rick is clinging to his wife, my husband and the other guy that he's mentored "since [they] were pups".  The memorial service was yesterday, and it was a fill-in-the-blank memorial service.  Prayers - check.  Pictures - check.  Stranger relating stories that he got third hand from whatever family and friends he could corner - check.  Maybe we should throw in a song - check.  It ended with an announcement that the family was thankful to everyone for coming, but that they were not prepared to greet anyone at this time, so they would be exiting first and then the rest of us would be dismissed.

They're curling up into their own little balls, and the people that love them are forced to stand on the sidelines and find something to do with our hands.

Where I'm From

I am from macaroni and cheese, from the bag and the block, ooey and gooey in a huge pot, from books and vegetable gardens and looking up the answers to your own questions in the Encyclopedia Brittanica that takes up the entire bottom shelf of the bookcase and diagramming sentances at the kitchen table after dinner "for fun".

I am from the small green house with the cris-cross porch railings and white trim.  The second one in from the corner, on a half-acre lot, divided by a fence overtaken by trumpet and honeysuckle vines.

I am from the shadow of a grain elevator, the strawberry patches, the fancy iris beds, the medium sized town in the middle of nowhere, a few miles from my great-grandparents' homestead, but two states away from either of my parents' hometowns.

I am from Fourth of July Family Reunions and debating everything from politics to theology to sports, from spunky Smiths and strong featured Stephensons and sturdy Roarks and determined McCartys.

I am from long, rich lives and bullheadedness and family values and dressing up for church on Sunday.  I'm from work hard to support your family, and life's much better if you're able to laugh at yourself, and from love the people that love you, and from family is not always determined by bloodlines, and from we're so very proud of you.

From respect but don't be afraid to question authority and Grandma cheats at Canasta. I am from having a soft heart for abandoned puppies, hurt rabbits, fallen birds nests, and sad children.  I am from a widow that remained faithful to her husband until she died, even though he preceeded her in death by a half century and from lovebirds who held hands on the couch while they watched the news, then M*A*S*H, and ate shebert after 57 years.  I am from plain gold bands and crepe paper skin and blue eyes that twinkle.

I am from Southern Baptists and Roman Catholics whose children met and married and raised their children in an Episcopal Church.  I am from Sunday School in the basement and Holy Eucharist every Sunday and from Preachers and Deacons and Choir Directors and Lay Ministers.  I am from incense at Christmas and Easter and processions and falling asleep in the polished wooden pew and waking up to see the crucifix on the beam overhead.  I am from Amazing Grace and This Little Light of Mine and What A Friend We Have In Jesus.
I'm from Oklahoma and Missouri and far South Texas and the shadows of Sandia Crest in New Mexico and from jello salads and fresh vegetables and whipped cream and butter instead of Cool Whip or margerine.

From Arch and Belle as newlyweds with a black iron bed in the covered wagon, the aunt that changed the spelling of her name because her new husband thought it would look more balanced, the same aunt that changed the spelling back after her husband died 50-something years later, and the grandmother that had one chest of drawers full of linens and another chest of drawers full of costume jewelry - all neatly sorted and contained in rubber-banded checkbook boxes.  I'm from having dollars and tissues in pockets - of your sweaters, your jackets, your pocketbook and from washing out your ZipLocks to reuse them and from saving the pink, blue, and yellow styrofoam trays in neat stacks because you never know when they'll come in handy.   I'm from not wasting leftovers and cassaroles and making every dollar stretch.

I am from headstones in the far corner of the IOOF Cemetary near a highway not far from here, from grave markers of a country family cemetary no bigger than my yard, and the one white marker with the very best view out of 39,000 in the Santa Fe National Cemetary.

*I have pictures in mind that will be added ... at some point.  ;)  And, I stole the idea from here, but she got it from here, and it was originally here.

Exhibit B.

My Babies are Growing Up.

I offer as evidence:

1. The Toddler has gone from pronouncing "horse" as "sol" to actually saying "horse"
2. Pick-ups are no longer "hick-pups" and are now "pick-ups"
3. I'm planning a birthday party for this weekend.  For the baby that was born just last week.

Marriage.

It’s about being a team, it’s about making each other the best that we can be, it’s about being better together than either of us are apart.


It’s about building each other up, in public and in private, to each other and to the world, and assuming the best about each other.

It’s about working hard to figure out what works for you and your spouse and your family without regard for what anyone outside your marriage thinks.

It’s about having someone on your side, someone who is not afraid to hold you accountable to/motivate you to achieve your shared goals.

It’s about two people sharing responsibility for maintaining the fences that surround and protect their relationship.

It’s about putting your spouse’s wellbeing first, ahead of anyone else’s - including your own, always.  It's about trusting your spouse to do the same for you.

It’s about saving the best of yourself to give to your spouse, and expecting the best of your spouse in return.

It’s about the freedom to share hurts in confidence and the ability to help each other to heal.

It's about prayer.  And faith.  And love.

It’s about presenting a united front to the world, regardless of private struggles.

It’s about saying “This is my Beloved. S/he is everything that is good for me. I chose her/him, and always will.”

It’s about you and me, baby, against the world.

7 short years ago.  And I love him more today than I did then.

Carseats (again)

Yesterday, the girls were talking about carseats.  Then, tonight, my sister posted a link to this on FB.  Just something to think about.

This was last summer - the Toddler was 19 1/2 months, and the Baby was a few weeks old.  They're still in this set up, but the Toddler is, obvi, a bit more leggy, and the Baby is ready for something with a little bit less recline.  :)  I'm going to borrow the Toddler's seat from my husband's truck for now, while I save up for the seat that I really want her to have.  I'll try to take a new picture this weekend. 

Church Ladies

are awesome.
Last night, I needed to go to church.  It was an almost physical ache.  So, even though service started at 6:30 and my girls were ready for bed when I picked them up at 6, and my husband was working out of town, so I was on my own, and I had forgotten to grap a couple of clean shirts for them, I took my two children and we went to church, assuming that someone would come running to my aid.
And run they did.
I didn't even get across the parking lot before someone was holding a door open for us.  Someone else was standing inside, arms out, to take whichever child would come to her.  Someone else handed me a couple of plates of spaghetti, and someone else brought me one highchair and offered another.  Yet another person plopped two cups of lemonade down in front of me.  When the toddler finished eating and started getting antsy, some older girls appeared out of nowhere and asked if she'd like to go play in the nursery.
At church time, we were invited to sit in the pew with one family.  Thankfully, while both girls were clingy/needy, neither of them needed Mama at the exact same time, and the congregants in the surrounding pews were more than happy to play pass-the-babies.
This Mama got fed.  And my babies got fed.  And, our seats in front of the smaller organ were prime time for my music loving kids - they stood facing backwards in the pew and danced, which made the organist smile.

And by the time we got home, both girls peacefully went to bed, one at a time, with sweet smiles on their faces, and slept all night.

That, friends, is what it's all about.

Because You Probably Deserve That Ticket Anyway

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook this morning.  I think it's a pretty good point.  Besides, if you* are speeding, you probably deserve to get pulled over anyway and so does that dude that you're "warning".

As I was driving home from Cheyenne today, I got to thinking of something. I'm headed down highway 287 somewhere east of Vernon and west of Wichita Falls. I come around a corner and notice a state trooper in the median. Luckily, he wasn't facing toward me otherwise I probably would have gotten a ticket. About a mile or so down the road, I noticed the car behind me flashing his lights at the oncoming traffic to warn them of the trooper.

It was at this point when I started to think a little bit. I must admit that I'm guilty of warning other commuters of a speed trap that awaits them. I'm sure a lot of us are guilty of this. But what I got to thinking of is something my dad once told me. He told me that it isn't uncommon for a simple traffic stop to turn into a million-dollar drug bust. I'm sure the little stretch of highway 287 that I rode down today is quite common for drug runs. This is probably why I always see multiple troopers each time I'm on it.

So the next time you think about warning others that there's a speed trap ahead of them, you might think twice about it. One of those cars that you're warning just might be headed to your home town loaded down with next month's supply of drugs that just might make it into your child's hands.

*general "you", of course.

Book, Recommended

I bought this book for the Toddler for Christmas.  I like it.  A lot.  So does she.

We also got this one for the Noob.  It's also awesome, but Wherever You Are is the one that we've been reading as a bedtime story lately, so it's the one that I love the most right now.

Dear Long Lost Friend Mz aka Kelly

If you decide to do your blog, please send me an invite.  If you don't decide to do your blog, please send me an email.  Or find me on Facebook.  Or something.  I miss you, and wonder how your latest project is coming.
Kthxbai.

Winner Winner

Chicken Dinner!  Thanks, Bree and Julie!

Look Out For Bikers

5 years ago, in my hometown, a lady in a minivan turned left in front of a man on a motorcycle.  She didn't see him.  He left 12 feet of skid marks on the road and hit the front quarter panel of her van.  The EMTs said that he died instantly of massive internal injuries.

That man was 36 year old Tony Trammell.  He was bigger than life.  He was an adoring father.  His world revolved around his son.  He was a friend to anyone he ever met, and many people considered him to be the best friend they'd ever had.  He loved being outdoors.  He loved being active.  He loved his Ducati motorcycle, which was a gift for Valentine's Day 2002.  He lived for making people laugh - at him, at themselves, at whatever could possibly be made laughable.  If somehow, someone didn't like him immediately upon meeting him, he made it his mission to win that person over.  He rarely failed and usually, those were the people that became his biggest fans. 

Tony had been riding motorcycles for his entire life.  His bike was like an extension of his body.  I felt safer on the back of his bike than I did/do in most people's cars.  If any biker could have avoided or lessened the impact of that accident, it would have been Tony. 

Tony is buried in the corner of a small family country cemetary about an hour from our hometown.  The funeral procession was led by a parade of motorcycles and was over 6 miles long.  His son, Anthony, had a son of his own last fall, and is raising his own little family in the house that he lived in with his dad and, for a while, me. 

 

Please, keep an extra eye out, not just for other cars on the road, but for motorcycles.  And bicycles.  And pedestrians.  And small, darting dogs.  Look twice, then look again.

Is it wrong

that Lent is my favorite Liturgical season? 
It is.

It gives me the chance encourages me to focus on my fallen nature and repent.  Since repentance involves striving to do better, not only do I get the reward of forgiveness, I (hopefully) come out a better person on the other side.  Besides - Lent ends with Easter.  And Easter is my very favorite holiday.

Forgiveness

Last weekend, I was wronged by someone.  I don't know if it was done maliciously or mistakenly, but I was l i v i d.  And I thought ugly thoughts about her for three days.  I doubted the World.  I doubted myself.  I doubted her.  And I became the ugliness.  The wrong isn't important, and the why isn't important.  What is important is that it was taking over my head and my heart.

So I forgave her.  I offered it with my whole heart and I meant it.  She didn't accept it.  In fact, she attempted to "retaliate".  To forgiveness.  Right.  But you know what's really really cool?  It doesn't matter.  I'm not angry and I don't feel ugly inside any more.

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you." Matthew 6:14

Update:  3/10:  I spent Wednesday morning being smacked in the face with the fact that I was not a totally innocent party in the doing of wrongs.  And I probably didn't give enough credit to the person that wronged me as far as her non-acceptance of my forgiveness.  I think it was just a much bigger deal to me than it was to her.  Or something.

My daughter is two and a half.

And I am a little bit more in love with her and a little bit more exausted every single day.  That is all.

Life Is Really Really Good.

My friend Stacie said once that "If you look for the bad, you can find bad stuff to complain about all day long.  But if you look for the good, you can find good stuff all day long, too.  I am choosing to look for the good."  She said this while we were sitting in the waiting room at OU Children's Hospital, because her infant son was having surgery to put a shunt in his head after being diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer in his abdomen and brain.

You know what?  I've got it pretty damn good.  I bet you do, too.

I have a husband that loves me and is working hard at THREE jobs to provide for me and our children.  He does it without complaint, and with a joyful heart because he is able to do it.
I have two beautiful, smart, hilarious girls that are so very loved and secure.  They are healthy and happy and giggle all.the.time.
I have a good job - better than most - and it challenges me.  If all goes according to plan, I won't have to work forever, but I do right now, and if I have to spend my weekdays away from my children, at least it's not at a place that I hate.
My girls have loads of people that adore them, not the least of which are Tommy and Betty (aka Papa and Bibi).  Tommy and Betty love and care for them while I'm at work, and I couldn't ask for more cooperative caregivers.  They are my partners and Betty's philosophy is that she is getting paid good money to do things the way that I would, if I were able to be there.

I am a sinner, and deserve none of this, but I am Forgiven, because I am a child of God.
My cup runs over.

Just because I can

I'm posting this from my phone :)

Beautiful!

This was waiting for me in the mail when I got home from Nebraska.

My friend, Bree, at Distant Pickles made it for me.   And I think that "easy" must be a relative term.  :)

New Phones

For our Valentine's Day/Anniversary/Birthday/Mother's Day/Father's Day presents to each other, the Wonderful Husband and I are getting new cell phones.
He's getting this one:

And I am debating between one like his and this one:

I'm super excited.  We're switching from the local provider that my husband has been with for 15 years to at&t, and will be paying the same amount as we were before (possibly even as much as 10% LESS), only we'll have sleek new modern phones that can do everything but make us breakfast.  Upfront cost will be about $100, which is where the super combined present thing comes in.

Update:  I got the HTC Inspire.  It's sleek and  awesome, but Holy Learning Curve, Batman!

Question

My toddler has started hitting.  Mostly, it's out of frustration if she isn't capable of doing something that she wants or if her sister is "getting in the way" (the Toddler will sort of swat at the Noob) or if she's told that she can't do something that she wants.

We have been telling her that "we don't hit people that we love", but it's having less of an effect.  Time outs, followed by an apology to the offended, are the next "resort", and last night was the first time ever that she flat out refused to apologize:  "I don't WANT to.  I NOT sorry." 

While I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily against spanking at all costs, I think that it could send a dangerous message, particularly to little girls, and I don't really want to go there. 

That said, I don't know what else to do.  Ideas?

Updated:  I've skimmed these two links, and will read them for realz (you know, when I can actually concentrate on them!) later.  Meantime, here you go.
Children and Aggression
Managing Your Toddler
one more... barely skimmed:  Obedience

Speaking of Saving Money...

My dear friend, the Fabric Donkey, is searching the Interwebz far and wide and giving you the scoop on all the best fabric deals.  She's mostly working in quilting cotton right now, but, holy cow, there are some deals to be had.

My other dear friends at Distant Pickles are having a giveaway, and just wrapped up another quilt along.  Go check them out.

How I Survive (financially) With Two Kids In Diapers

I have two little kids.  My Toddler is 2 1/2 and very slowly potty training.  My Noob is almost 10 months old and ... not potty training.  Diapers are expensive.

When the Toddler was in-utero, I wanted to try cloth diapering.  I also wanted to teach her sign language and breastfeed.  I knew that I would have to return to work after my maternity leave, so I sort of picked my priorities and took into consideration the comfort levels of my babysitter and husband, and cloth diapering fell by the wayside.  Then my sister decided to cloth diaper her son, born in the winter of 2009, and I was able to live vicariously through her and let her figure out a system for me.  She chose to use prefolds and covers.

Prefolds and covers are probably the most economical way to go about cloth diapering.  I use prefolds from Green Mountain Diaper Company, mostly because they're what my sister used and because they're what was recommended to me.  I'm sure that there are less expensive options that are just as great.  I have a friend that uses Little Lions diapers and loves them.  They're a little bit less expensive, and she says that the quality is just as good.

When my Noob was a very small baby, my sister sent me a dozen GMD Orange Edge prefolds, a dozen GMD Yellow Edge Prefolds, and a GMD "Workhorse" Fitted.  She also sent a couple of small Bummi covers.  I purchased a couple Thirsties covers, and 3 Snappi fasteners and I was set to begin my adventure.  I CD on nights and weekends, and a dozen diapers easily gets me 2+ (weekend) days between washes.

The Orange Edged diapers are sized for newborns.  They fit from about 5-10 lbs.  I think I used my orange edged pfs until the Noob was closer to 13 lbs, so it's all kind of relative.

The Yellow Edged diapers are sized for babies from 10-15 lbs, according to GMD's website.  The Noob is 16.5 or so and still has plenty of room to fasten hers. 

The "Workhorse" fitted diaper is probably my very favorite diaper, but I didn't buy any more because I kept thinking that the Noob was going to outgrow this size any time now.  I'm buying a few in the next size, though.  They're more trim and easier to get onto a wiggly baby because there is absolutely no folding involved.  Just position and fasten. 

Red Edged diapers are sized for babies from 15-29 lbs.  My toddler is tipping the scales at 26 lbs, so I'm figuring this will be the last set that I will buy.

I've been using the same small diaper covers this whole time.  Even if I had needed to purchase all of the diapers that we use, I would have spent $28 for the orange edged pfs, $33 for the yellow edged pfs, $9-$12 for each of the covers, and $8 for 3 Snappi fasteners.
Initial Investment: $117. 
Next, I'll buy red edged pfs, and those will probably get me through potty training, if the Noob follows her older sister's growth curve.  My list to purchase now is $36 for the red edged pfs, $7.40x4 for the red workhorse fitteds, $9.75 for a new set of Snappis (they do wear out), and $11.50x3 for some size Medium Thirsties covers.
Secondary Investment:  $110-ish.
You could buy a wetbag, but I just use a plastic grocery bag looped over a doorknob.  Since I do laundry every other day-ish, I haven't run into stink issues yet.

Best of all, since all of my prefolds are 100% cotton, I don't have a complicated laundry routine, like you'll have to come up with if you do microfiber or other types of diapers.  I dump "solids" into the toilet, then, on laundry day, I run one rinse (with extra rinse) cycle, then one hot wash with Charlie's Soap, extra rinse, and then dry on medium.  Easy Peasy.

Since the toddler is in disposable diapers when she's not feeling the potty training mojo and the Noob is in disposeable diapers at daycare, I just search out the best possible deals.  Right now, I'm signed up for Amazon Mom (which gets me free 2-day shipping) and Subscribe and Save (which gives me an additional discount for scheduling automatic deliveries) and a few weeks ago, I got a 228 count case of Size 2 Luvs diapers and a 204 count case of Size 3 Luvs diapers for $49.06 TOTAL delivered to my door.

And, while I was there...

This happened!

 It's really totally handy to have the church in one's back yard and a Pastor on the payroll.

 

Fun In The Car

 Because Kansas is booooooooooooring, and I'd already bothered spent all of a certain Shrew's productive hours on the phone, I decided to entertain myself while I drove across the prairie.

Please excuse the very speck-y whateverthatthing'scalled.  Yes, it's dirty, but so is my camera lens...

This picture is to illustrate my loaves-and-fishes style gas.  Normally, I get about 230 miles to a full tank.  I think I got to 255 before the needle moved off of the half marker, but that picture was blurry, so you'll just have to believe me.

Mulit-tasking.  If you need an explination, it would probably make you blush.

After approximately 5 hours of driving straight North, I get to turn Left!

What do Christina Agulara, Air Supply, George Jones, Bon Jovi, and some newer teeney-bopper artists that I didn't recognise have in common?  This radio station.  It was easily the most eclectic station I have ever heard.

Destination: Small Town, Nebraska, where I had a lovely time with lots of lovely people. 

Then, I drove home.

What was advertised as "winter weather" started off like this: 

Then turned into this:

Then this: 

Then, about 5 hours of this:

Which turned to freezing rain, then just rain, then, about the time I got to Oklahoma, it was dry and just cold and windy.

This picture is as I was coming up on my town. 

Home again home again, jiggety jig.