My toddler has started hitting. Mostly, it's out of frustration if she isn't capable of doing something that she wants or if her sister is "getting in the way" (the Toddler will sort of swat at the Noob) or if she's told that she can't do something that she wants.
We have been telling her that "we don't hit people that we love", but it's having less of an effect. Time outs, followed by an apology to the offended, are the next "resort", and last night was the first time ever that she flat out refused to apologize: "I don't WANT to. I NOT sorry."
While I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily against spanking at all costs, I think that it could send a dangerous message, particularly to little girls, and I don't really want to go there.
That said, I don't know what else to do. Ideas?
Updated: I've skimmed these two links, and will read them for realz (you know, when I can actually concentrate on them!) later. Meantime, here you go.
Children and Aggression
Managing Your Toddler
one more... barely skimmed: Obedience
2 comments:
This is a great question and I don't have an answer, but I do look forward to the suggestions. We have a 23-month little boy, T and a 7-month little boy, W and I can see this quickly coming down the pipe.
I've found this website to be a really great resource, especially if you are inclined against spanking.
http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/gentle_guidance.html
I've become a much more emotionally aware person from really trying to understand why E behaves in certain ways.
When she hits/throws/acts aggressively, I try to quickly assess why she felt a need to do so, validate the feeling behind it, and try to suggest other ways (and have her suggest ways) she can express her anger/frustration/nerves. It has amazed me on a number of occasions when she has repeated a certain behavior (ie throwing something out of anger) and realizes that she wasn't supposed to react that way and immediately lets us know that she knows she did wrong.
I do threaten and impose a consequence (short banishment to her room) if after going through the validation process a particular problem still persists. I try to save that for the biggies though so that it doesn't lose it's power.
If ODD gets aggressive with her sister, maybe you could say to her, "It seems you are really angry/annoyed/tired of your sister (because she did x,y,z). It is ok to feel that way for a while, but it is not ok to hit her. When you feel really mad, you can hit a pillow, pound your fists on your bed, stomp your feet (etc) to get the angries out."
For E, having someone understand and label what she is feeling helps take alot of the power out of it.
It's certainly going to be interesting when baby gets here and grows big enough to annoy her. :)
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