I started to type a comment in response to an Anonymous comment to my last post about going back to work, and then I thought I'd just post instead.
"anybody can stay home if they choose, it's just a matter of choosing between your priorities ... I hope you're able to double check the math and consider giving up a few of your luxuries if you really want to stay home with your new baby. It's just a matter of making a few choices of what's most important to you!"
We have done the math. We have considered the expenses that would go away if I weren't working. We have looked at downsizing vehicles. We have looked at selling our home. Remember, I've been home for almost four months, most of it unpaid leave. What we came up with is that, even with trimming all the fat that we can stand, it is simply not feasible for me to stay at home. We would still need to come up with several hundred dollars a month. Wes could do it with side work, but I need to see my husband, Callie needs to see her father, and Wes needs time to relax. I'm not willing for him to spend all of his time working so that I can stay at home. I don't feel that it's fair to him or to me. He didn't sign up to spend all his time working and I didn't sign up to be a single parent.
So if the "luxury" that I'd be giving up is my husband's happiness, sanity, or availability as a father and partner, I'm just not willing to do it. If the choice is him working his 8-10 hours a day PLUS mine, I'm not willing to ask him to do it. If the choice is eeking by and not being able to build up savings or enjoy our family, I'm not willing to do it.
In a few years, I may be able to stay home. I hope so. But right now, we have made the choices of what's most important to us.
And I reserve the right to think that sometimes it is an easier pill to swallow than others. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.
4 comments:
LOL! Nice response to some brilliant web advice. ;)
We've been where you are now. Everyone pays her dues in one way or another. When there's schwat to scoop someone's got to take up the shovel.
It sucks hard to leave the baby, even when you like her sitter. You do miss out on a few things surrounding her development. It never really gets easier, even when they're seven and begging to you to leave. :D But here's the good news: there's more than one way to clothe your family in scarlet. You're right to prioritize the health of your husband. And the two of you won't allow Callie to fall between the cracks of daycare. You've already thwarted that scenario by choosing good people to help you out.
Leaving the baby will be hardest on you. But you're her MOM, and she's not going to forget you in the handful of hours she's being bounced by someone else. After all my babies, I've learned that it doesn't really matter who notices that first tooth first or who gets to hear the first word. You will always be her mother.
Don't sweat it too much, friend. That's the brilliant web advice I have for you today. :D
Gauntlets, you rock. And I have some more photographic treats for you... just as soon as I can get them uploaded. (Handy how I have that luxury... otherwise, I guess I'd be chiseling some red clay or something.)
I found my way onto your blog through cspp and I just wanted to offer an understanding nod.
I read the comment of #2 on the previous post and I have to say...well, maybe I will not say.
What I DO want to say is, my husband and I live in one of the cheapest areas in the entire country to live. Our monthly house payment cost less than every apartment we have looked at. We own one car outright and pay a small monthly payment on our second. Our biggest luxury is a night out at our local mexican restaurant ($12 for the family). And even with all of this low cost, if it weren't for the student loan money that we are currently living on (long story) our family would need more income. So I can only imagine what it must be like for families that live in areas where living is more expensive.
Good for you for taking care of your husband and thereby taking care of your family.
Thanks, Melanie.
Understanding nods are always welcome 'round here.
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